97. Vegetarians don’t live longer, they just look older.

Your jibe doubtless was not intended to be taken seriously and we can enjoy laughing at ourselves. Nevertheless, we can respond to the fun with fact. Surveys carried out on large numbers of vegetarians show that they can expect to live approximately seven years longer than the general population. Similarly, we know that their average health is far better and hence the majority of vegetarians look younger than those of their age.

One of the reasons for this is that anti-oxidants help to delay the ageing process, and anti-oxidants are prevalent in vege-tarian foods. The principal research scientist for Sanitarium foods records that ‘almost all junk food is made from foods low in anti-oxidants. Eating a junk-food meal deprives us of the anti-ageing, disease-preventing anti-oxidants we would be getting from a wholesome meal of whole grains, legumes, nuts and vegetables.’


98. If animals weren’t meant to be eaten, then why are they made out of meat?

Your question has an inherent problem for you, namely that ‘meat’ is a construct. Nothing is ‘made out of meat.’ Putting that to one side, though, I ask if humans weren’t meant to be eaten, then why are they ‘made out of meat’? There are plenty of similarities between our flesh and that of animals. We wouldn’t use that fact to justify cannibalism, would we?

Nevertheless, you asked your question as a joke and we join in the fun by asking you three questions.

Do you know why people tell stupid vegetarian jokes? It’s so that meat-eaters can understand them.

What’s the best way to keep milk fresh? Leave it in the cow.

How many meat-eaters does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: none. They would rather stay in the dark.

Unfortunately, that answer to the last one isn’t just a joke. It’s also a fact. Most meat-eaters studiously avoid acquiring the slightest knowledge of the animal suffering that precedes their food selection.


99. An anagram of ‘vegetarianism’ is: ‘Imagine! Starve!’

Thank you for that enlightenment. If you would like to rubbish us further, two other anagrams formed by re-arranging the letters in ‘vegetarianism’ are vitamin grease and Meat? I vegan, sir.

Or, from ‘vegetarian’, there is irate vegan. Now it’s our turn to make anagrams of your food connect-ions and, like your anagram, these aren’t intended to be taken seriously.

Battery hens = Try ban these
Roast beef = Eat for BSE
McDonald’s Restaurants = Uncle Sam’s standard rot or, as
we’d advise, Mustn’t scorn salad, dear

If your appetite for nonsense hasn’t been satisfied, you can try the endless supply of cartoons featuring vegetarians and meat-eaters making fun of each other.